Be the best husband
I came home late from work earlier this week and before doing anything else I popped into the bedroom to check on my fiancée. She was fast asleep, looking peaceful and happy.
I stood there watching for a few minutes (not in that creepy “hover in the shadows” way that Edward always does to Bella) and wondered how I was going to keep that smile on her face for the rest of our lives, how will I be able to be the best husband?
In that simple quiet moment all the thoughts and anxieties that had never crossed my mind came rushing towards me like a tidal wave of exam questions from a belligerent school teacher.
It’s a scary thought. We enter into these things with gushing vows of devotion and dedication.
In the heat of the matrimonial moment no mountain is too high, no valley too deep and no obstacle too large to overcome.
The pressure is there to be all that you can be forever. On the wedding day it’s about emotions and grand gestures. But that’s not sustainable.
I want to be that “best” man, I want to keep that sleepy, slightly goofy grin that she gets after just falling asleep on her face forever. Standing over her, just enjoying how she slept so peacefully, the magnitude of the situation finally hit me. But then that’s the challenge, isn’t it.
Marriage isn’t for everyone, and it certainly wasn’t for me until I met Robyn. I’d always laughed it off as an unnecessary transaction in a world already cluttered with archaic formalities.
Who needs a ceremony and a piece of paper to signal their love and commitment to one and other. Who needs the hassle of a formal arrangement and speeches about love and happiness. Well, it’s easy to think like that until you meet the person who makes sense of it all.
Standing in that doorway, as the wave of visions of our future crashed into the cliff face of my mind, I realised for the first time that I wanted to be the best husband.
And that’s a good place to start. Knowing deep down inside that you want to keep someone smiling is half the battle won. It’s a moment I’ll recall and look back on for inspiration for the rest of my life.
It was no flashy, romantic occasion between the two of us. It was no memorable hot air balloon trip across the Serengeti. It was no emotional crisis that we had to overcome to prove our love for each other. It was simply a quiet, honest instant where I saw what true happiness is, where I realised that these are the moments that make a marriage work, where you come and look at the one you love and realise that all you want to do is be a better man every day of your life.
Source: David Moseley
Pic: Shutterstock
at 12:28
The challenge, is to keep feeling that way and to keep wanting to be that man. I don’t think it’s impossible, but it’s a lifelong challenge nonetheless.
at 04:41
Maybe it’s not as difficult as most men thinks! I’ve been married for more than 25 years and think it’s very possible to be happily married!
I think that obeying the following “rules”, should enable you to succeed in your “quest”:
- Before the marriage, the two of you should look each other in the eye and declare to one another that divorce is not an option. We will always sort out the problems. The word “divorce” is removed from your vocabulary!
- ALWAYS make sure that she is really satisfied during sex! Good sex (naturally with your own wife!) is the basis of any good, stable marriage! Don’t be selfish and learn how to use all the “buttons” and “spots” to her (and your) advantage! (Consult the information on Woman24.com; it’s a great help in locating all the “buttons” and “spots” and to learn what woman really wants!) If you ensure that she is satisfied any which way you can, you will surely be “rewarded” by your misses trying to make sex more enjoyable for you and also by being willing more frequently – which is what we men want, after all! If you both make sure of satisfying the other’s sexual needs, the possibility of one you becoming a stray dog should be greatly reduced! And always remember: she is sitting on the peacemaker!
- Try to keep things in the marriage 50/50. A marriage is a relationship where both partners should try to “give” and “take” in equal parts! Sometimes, even if you know better, it is strategically better to give in (remember the peacemaker!). Both partners should be sensitive to the other’s needs and priorities!
- NEVER go to bed without sorting out the fight! It’s not always easy to do, but if you stay cross with each other, you may open the door for some other stray dog to come into your house and to crap in your marriage!
Congratulations! I wish you both a happy marriage! I think that by feeling the need to keep her happy, you’re already heading in the right direction to succeed in your “quest”.
at 04:58
Interesting article I must say. I believe by having the mentality of wanting to be that husband, the battle is half won. It is something that however achievable.
at 07:23
No problem to achieve this. Just make plenty of money and be willing to share.
Otherwise be respectful, nice and funny.
Tackle the challenges one at a time.
at 09:04
My experience of marriage is, unfortunately, not a good one. I think it was the biggest mistake of my life. So all I will say is “good luck”
at 09:34
I sense your sincerity and I think you will be the best husband for your lady. I have been there. I felt the same as you and divorce was simply not an option for me. Unfortunately it’s not all up to you….even if you are the best husband, women change ……..some even become bipolar and refuse to accept it or get treated and proceed to destroy your confidence, your love and eventually your precious family. And all that financial security you so carefully built up is suddenly divided by 2.
Go for it. You know you have to. You love her more than anyone else and you can’t let her slip away……and chances are you will both love happily ever after. That little flicker of doubt irritating you is your male instinct warning you that you are giving up your independence.
What I am trying to tell you is that love and marriage are not the same thing: Romantic love is natural and easy and you can make it last forever. Marriage on the other hand is a business and it will come to an end one way or another. Before you start your marriage sit down with your lady and discuss what you are going to do if things go sour. Write it down and both sign it. You must also make a date each year when you sit down again and make changes according to your new financial situation. It will be awkward I know because it’s not very romantic but believe me it’s a lot harder if you wait until she hates your guts.
at 08:15
Hey David, It’s so cool that you are being all mushy. You are halfway there with wanting to be the best husband, the rest will follow, just love her and remember that you both have faults. As the years go by you will become best friends as well as lovers and be comfortable with each other. I know, I have been married for 36 years and would wish it on anybody. Enjoy, the best years of your life are still to come.
at 07:44
Hey David, thanks for sharing this article, this makes me re-think and want to do the same, as one tends to get slack at times. I will be married 33 years next month and i found the secret to be the best husband when I was at a mens camp some years ago.
The question that was asked to us was “What does a king have?”
Well the answers ranged from wealth, riches, lots of money to big palaces. Well the correct answer no-one got right, that is, a king has a queen at his side. Well I do not want to preach here, but to be head of your household, priest in your house or king in your house, you must treat your wife like a QUEEN. Let me tell you this has really workrd for me, married life has been bliss and a great blessing for me. Always remember to make Christ head of your household and treat your wife like a queen, believe me my friend, you will be treated like a king, gauranteed.
Now I know why things have not been so smooth the last few weeks.
David, thanks for the reminder and letting me see where I was going wrong again and putting me back on track.
Let me go and uplift my queen, she is waiting …………
at 10:45
Is it alright that a girl using men’s app?:) Anyhow i honestly believe i’ve got the best husband in the world (no surprise every woman in love thinks that way). The key word in our relationship is mutual respect. You cannot say you love someone unless you appreciate him/her and show your respect in every possible way. Of course no one is perfect but if you love someone enough you can put up with little faults which do not make your own credos suffer . Me and him have our own imperfections but we make life easier by turning them into a joke. Most important is that we dont see ourselves in future if we are not together for any reason. Moreover we do not remember us living separately in the past.